Spring Showers, 2012 Edition

Alternative title: When It Rains, It Pours.

I have a bad habit of taking pictures of myself like this at weddings. Just thought I'd share my current self portrait. It seems like a fitting picture for this Daddy Life post - a bit of an update, rehash, but also a self examination of where I'm at this spring as the Life rolls every onward!

April Showers

It was a busy month. Sometimes living this Life means exotic travel to faraway places like the Jersey Shore and the Atlanta Airport. We took the kids on vacation to Florida to see their great-grandmother and learn to swim in her pool. Success on both fronts. Following this, Margaret and Rich had a fantastic wedding in the Garden State, and we did our job by getting no sleep and missing our children. A win win!  

Fatherhood

What have I learned about my children this spring? I've struggled with this one thought that keeps pestering me. I love to take my kids out into the world and show them things. And they are happier staying home. This isn't always true, but I have learned to temper my ambitions for adventures and action. Children really are creatures of habit, right? How do I reconcile this?  By providing BOTH the routine and comfort of home with the spice and challenge of adventure. And then I have to remember something else. When everyone is crying, uncomfortable, fighting, whining, hungry, and willful, I MIGHT NOT BE HAVING A VERY GOOD TIME. But chances are, they won't remember it that way. 

I see my role as that of the shepherd. My job is to shepherd everyone along, give them food and clothes and opportunities for challenge, and expression, and building self-esteem, and becoming people. I do this for Linden, too, in a different way. I shepherd her along, a little less willingly (on my part), but I send her on her way with a few things she needs to keep the flock together. This is the essence of the Daddy Life. We don't all have to get everything we need, but we all have to have some of what we need. Or the whole thing falls apart. Ezekiel 25:17. I'm trying. I'm trying real hard here, Ringo.

Old House, New House

The new house off of Patton Road in SW Portland has been dubbed NEW HOUSE, by the kids. I don't think they remember much about OLD HOUSE, but it doesn't matter because we sold OLD HOUSE, aka FAIRVIEW to a nice young couple this month. Not a moment too soon. 

The kids are exploding to fill the space of New House, into the garden with watering cans, upstairs and downstairs, all over the driveway, and into the creek. They love it here, and I love it here. The weather turned to beautiful this week, and we throw open the doors and spill out into the outdoors. Two raccoons came with the house, and I can't tell if they are residents or just neighbors. The landscaping is blooming, the weeds are growing, the garden is sprouting, and I bought a lawnmower. Twenty years we'll be in this house. Nineteen and two thirds to go. 

Obsessions

• My running continues, somewhere between not enough and too much. I've been training for a one mile race, which is TODAY. Wish me luck!  I'm hoping to run under 5 minutes. The real goal is to continue running without injury.
• My weight is up, and the liquor cabinet is looking empty. These might be related, but I think it has more to do a lifestyle in which I am home all the time, therefore I cook large meals for my family, therefore I eat these meals several times a day. It's a glutton's dream come true. 
• The New House has afforded many more opportunities for small house projects, and I have developed a new strategy for productivity. Fifteen minutes. Anything I can do in fifteen minutes is fair game, during the child-caring hours. Which usually means anytime during the day. You'd be surprised what happens when you chunk up a project into small pieces.
• Chickens. The HOA in our new neighborhood specifically forbids poultry. But my mother is a lukewarm enthusiast of backyard chicken raising. It seems like forces are converging to make a small flock of chickens appear at her house on Salmon Creek sometime next month. So I've undertaken the  design and construction of a small coop for her. Any advice is much appreciated. 

Life Philosophy

I think I'm moving from a philosophy that valued peak experiences into something more serene. Does this just come with age? I seem to need less of the heights and troughs, and more of the daily joys that come along with living the Daddy Life. Lord knows there is enough drama around here. 

All the best to you, my three readers!  Keep on keeping it on! 

The Truth Comes Out

Jude: Mom, are you going to take a shower?

Mom: Yes, I have to take a shower before I go to work.

Jude: But Dad never takes showers!  He just sticks his head under the water for a minute so his hair isn't stupid.

Proof is in the Potty

Jude turned three-and-a-half last month, and it feels like a light switched on. It was right around the time of what I am hopefully going to call the LAST TANTRUM. The tantrum to end all tantrums. And let me tell you it was a snot-slinging, fist swinging, kid screaming doozy. Of course we were at a friend's party, and I carried him out howling. A very nice woman out walking her dog offered to called child protective services.

We had gotten a little lazy over here at the Daddy Life, and forgotten what was possible. And then, shortly after this last gasp of desperate unreasonableness, Jude was potty trained.

"Potty training" doesn't seem like the right term here. We just let him wear underwear on days he wasn't at school, and then reminded him to go. I think Nini probably started it over a weekend visit. He had one accident, and then that was it. We got him brand new underwear, of course, which he loved, of course, just like in the books we've been reading to him for the better part of TWO YEARS. But we never pushed it - that was our plan. Jude is a stubborn little guy, and he does things on his own time. 

But that is not all, oh no, that is not all.

I was frustrated by some of Jude's recent behavior, but also frustrated by my own parenting. It was starting to seem like I spent more time threatening and complaining than guiding and supporting.  This led me to pick up a book, Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. I was reading it one day to Jude, mostly as a joke. "It says here that I should not be dressing my children after the age of 2," I reported. "It empowers them to greater feelings of significance." It dawned on me that I spend a good 10 minutes every morning trying to get clothes on this boy, but abruptly dismissed the thought.

The next day Jude announced that he would be putting on his own clothes. Pants, socks, shirt, jacket, everything. All in one day. And now the wardrobe changes are coming fast and furious. One night we had a party, and Jude changed clothes 5 times, to the amusement of our guests. I absolutely love it. A greater feeling of significance, indeed. 

So, tantrums, potty trained, and dressing himself, all in the last month. I'm starting to feel pretty good at my job around here - although, it sounds like Nini had a lot to do with it.

HOW TO POTTY TRAIN, an interview with Jude

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Amidst the chaos of a move, the dry bright days of a Portland January, and the constant negotiation of my toddler life, this task of parenting has gotten more complicated. I have been musing about this BIG IDEA for the past few days, so perhaps I will write about it.

We are living a toddler/daddy life at my house. By this I mean that the world my children experience is one that is constructed by me and my fatherly perspective on the world. I have recognized this as a unique thing, different from mothers and grandmas and the often feminized world of child rearing. Jude and Ada are being raised by their FATHER, for good or ill. There are values that I hope to foster, and I feel the weight of responsibility for demonstrating these values and passing them to my children. I'm obviously working in the dark here.

One of the simplest and most straightforward lessons to come up lately is about truth and lies.  TELL THE TRUTH, DON'T TELL A LIE seems like a no-brainer. The big problem here is that Jude lies all the time. And by extension, so does Ada. Jude will lie about having a dirty diaper, or how many cookies he ate off the counter, or whatever. I can still tell the difference, obviously. He might tell lies, but he's not very sneaky. Ada just lies because she likes to say NO a lot. "Ada, do you want another bite of yogurt?" NO. , and then BITE A YOGURT, PLEEEZE. She's a polite liar. 

But lying is wrong, right? Small lies can turn into big problems. (Believe me about this one.) In an effort to model this, I have taken an almost manic approach to telling my kids what is happening in their lives, even when they don't like it. I've noticed that my wife takes this same approach, though we've never discussed it. The theory is that maybe the truth will hurt, but its best to get the bad news over with.

Example. Maybe Ada is going to Grandma's house for a sleepover and Jude is staying home. This is NOT likely to be met with cheers and applause by Jude, who loves days at Nini's house. I could just keep this information to myself, maybe gloss over the details. I could cover up a bit, avoid the subject, feign ignorance, or any of the above. To me this seems like lying. And yet we do this in the adult world all the time. Enter the WHITE LIE, stage left. Isn't this a slippery slope? If I tell a lie to avoid the tantrum today, what will be waiting for me tomorrow?

I have little patience with a model of child-rearing that "protects" children and their fragile childhoods from the rigors and pitfalls of life. This is an unfortunate trend I find in the preschool set -  My children are obviously curious about the world, why would I conceal it from them? We would not tell lies about science or history, so why gloss over the fascinating details of human sociology? The highs and lows, joys and tragedy, isn't this the human experience?

Until now I have avoided raising my children within a religious framework. Am I really the moral compass for these children?  I want them to think for themselves and ask their own questions. What am I left with, classical philosophy? Plato and Aristotle are not going to cut it with my guys. If not me, then who? If not now, then when? How do I teach my kids that it's wrong to tell a lie?

The New Stride: Month One

Thanks to all who followed and related to my recent posting about running strides and form. I had a good month, and I promised to keep updates here, so update I shall!

One month ago I had a running analysis from the kind folks at the Providence Sports Care Center at Jeld-Wen Stadium in Portland. They gave me some tips, and I tried a few other things on my own.

Weeks 1-2
In specific, I began by running 10-20 minutes on an indoor track while following the recommendations of my physical therapist. I was doing this 3-4 times/week for the first few weeks. Initially, I was very surprised by how much work it was to keep my hips forward and my back straight for this period. The PT warned me that I would feel the difference in soreness on my backside, which I assume means my glutes and my hamstrings. I timed the footstrikes on my watch, and found I could keep this pace reliably for about 15 minutes without tiring. It felt more like a drill than a run. One day my wife was at the gym, and I showed her the difference between my “old” loping stride and my “new” upright stride. Linden reported that there was indeed a HUGE difference, and encouraged me to keep up the drills and form.

During this period I found an interesting article about this exercise known as the 100-up. I focused on the first part of the drill, known as the “minor” and started doing them around the house.

I felt like I was making some progress building strength in my hip and lifting my knees a bit higher. On top of this drill I was loosely following what my PT called my “home program.” Most of these drills seemed to focus on building core stability and getting at the smaller muscles in my abdomen and hips. Some of the drills also focus on treating each leg separately. I can see that part of my problem has been a kind of compensation that allows some muscles to be lazy while others do all the work. In a future post I will describe my current “home program” and share some new drills.

Week 3
After a few weeks on the indoor track I started feeling good about my progress and ventured outside for some running on the trails. I had good success with this for 20-30 minutes of running, but noted that my cadence slowed on the downhills and increased on the ups. I ran in old running shoes for this period, and had little problem with my motion control Mizuno Alchemy shoes that I’ve been running in for years. At the gym I had been using a pair of Brooks Avalanch shoes that I bought in the fall. They were similar to the Mizunos in that they seem to keep my heel in place, although I am more focused on the midfoot strike. Sadly, I left the Brooks shoes at the gym one day and never found them again.

I started running in a cheap pair of minimalist Saucony Stratos that I bought last winter at Big 5 for about 30 bucks. This gave me all sorts of soreness in my IT band and quads, but I didn’t immediately connect it with the shoes. Next, this week I went for a run with a close friend, (Ben Chaffin) and we did what I would call an “easy four” down to the waterfront. This run was harder than usual, and I think my pace was faster than I’ve been running. The result was about 10 days of significant soreness in my left IT band and nighttime swelling in that same knee. Life was busy, and kept me from doing much running, so I eased off for a few days.

Week 4 - 5
I was starting to get discouraged by the cranky knee, but one day I stepped out for a short run and noticed something good about my new stride – I could no longer relax my straight back or stick out my butt like I used to do. The “upright” position seems to have planted itself in my muscle memory and I can keep the position for much longer periods, maybe even indefinitely! This is a great sign for my ambitions to adopt a new form. Big news!

I bought another new pair of shoes this week and saw immediate improvement in my knee pain and IT band troubles. I also increased my use of the foam roller, a tool that has helped in the past to fight inflexibility and soreness. I resumed my running frequency and even stepped out for a longer group run one evening. We ran for about an hour and although I felt some soreness there was no lasting swelling or trouble. I think I’m back on track.


To recap, I see that my running program needs some of each of the following: consistency, flexibility, strengthening, and work. By the last thing here I mean that “getting into shape” means taxing my mechanical system and giving it short periods to recover. Always in the past I have focused on taxing my cardiovascular system, but it is clear that the mechanical one is more important for long term fitness.

I’m currently running every other day and hoping to build a base this winter for more fast running in the spring! I’ll continue to focus on the 5k and 1 mile distances for the next six months, but most important is maintaining a level of fitness in which I avoid injury and keep training!

Thankfulness

Things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving season:

My children love their mother very very very much.

I am thankful for blue eyes.

I am thankful for ice cream.

I am thankful that life doesn't stand still. It keeps moving forward whether we like it not.

Some friends have expressed worry, so I want to give an update and relieve your curiosity. Linden and I spent the fall looking at real estate, and are currently in the process of buying a house in the southwest hills of Portland.

The "looking for a house" phase was stressful, the "making an offer" phase was frustrating, but the "inspection and negotiation" phase is unbearable. We're fighting colds, sweating details, and trying not to worry about the packing, moving, and selling phases that are coming next.

Despite it all, I have an enduring sense that this is exactly how it is supposed to be. I am feeling thankful for all that we have, and trying to channel inner peace. Flow like water downhill and through a damp basement. Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you.

The house isn't a lock yet, by any means. So we've been quiet about it. The picture above is Linden standing at the front door. It looks like home to me.

Running and Being

The late Dr. George Sheehan wrote a little tome called Running and Being. In it, he details a simple philosophy of exercise. "Before we can be good humans," he writes, "we must first be good animals." I've always loved this. Dr. Sheehan was part of the running craze of the 1970's, and ran well into his own advancing age. Running was part of his identity, and it is a part of mine.

I started running during my sophomore year in high school. One spring I got up some nerve, joined the track team, bought a pair of shoes, and by May I was a runner. That was 1991, and I was sixteen years old. I ran a surprisingly brisk 2:02 in the 800m that year, and I was hooked. By my senior year I stretched out for a 4:31 mile and a 1:58 for the 800m.

High school running gave me some sense of balance and buoyancy, so I continued on into college. I ran three years at Lewis & Clark College, through my early 20's. By any account, my best years of running. I had a supportive coach, a great facility, and a light step. 3:59 in the 1500m, 1:56 in the 800m. These were great times, and I will always be proud of them.

Then my post collegiate twenties came along, and my running took a sharp dive. I wrecked a motorcycle, traveled the world, and generally stopped the workouts. I still felt like a runner, but I wasn't running much more than the occasional jog to blow off steam. Moving back to Portland in my later twenties, I found this sport again. I hadn't taken more than a few years away so getting back in shape was relatively easy. I found running friends that kept me motivated, and soon I was back to running for fitness and fun.

The point of this post is that running has been part of my identity for most of my adult life. I've never been particularly motivated, but I love a long run and I love to race. For the past ten years I have been running and racing regularly. I generally get into shape every spring and fall out of shape every winter. I run with the seasons, hating the hot sun and loving the cool rain. I rarely run more than twenty miles in a week. This seems like just enough to keep me healthy without causing any real injury.

And then BAM. Note my last post. This fall has been humbling and motivating. Somewhere in the aging process I began to rely more heavily on some of my bigger muscles at the expense of the smaller ones. I spent the last month doing physical therapy, massage, and stretching. And then yesterday I saw the running lady at my PT office and she did a running assessment. We took video of my stride and talked about my sloppy form. She showed me how my loping, bouncing stride is out of whack. How my footstrike is either too far forward or too far back. And that crossover? Forgetaboutit.

So what am I going to do? Here's the rub: I'm basically pain free. I'm jogging on the indoor track at my gym, and I can putz around on the treadmill, and I can ride the bike, but I DON'T TRUST IT. My injury in October was no fluke, and it happened almost without warning. I need to fix something about my basic stride if I want to keep at this - if I want to run into my own advancing age.

I am attempting to track my progress here on The Daddy Life. I want to transform my stride into what Alberto Salazar has called "the one best way." It may not be the fastest way, or the prettiest, and definitely not the easiest, but humans have been running efficiently for millenia. Anthropologists argue that running allowed us to hunt animals over long range, outperforming prey due to our ability to sweat instead of pant. So running really is built into our human identity. No wonder it feels so good.

I have just begun to take in the large body of literature about this ancient/modern theory of running. There is a whole barefoot movement out there just dying to get me out of my pronation control trainers. I think that's unnecessary, but there are some excellent training tools out there to build muscles, balance, and tone that will prevent my injury from October. First I'll detail the program put in place by my PT, Erika Lewis at the Providence Sports Clinic at Jeld-Wen Stadium. These guys work on the Portland Timbers, so they've got to know what they're doing, right?

THE PROGRAM

Erika the PT gave me three simple changes to remember while I'm building toward my new stride. Three is a good number for me - I'd never remember four.

1) Tuck my pelvis under. Tighten the abs, tighten the butt, and sit over my hips instead of tilting forward. This takes some concentration, but it's not too bad on a flat surface.

2) Strike in the middle of the foot. No more toe prancing or heel striking. I can do both equally well, but mid-foot striking seems to keep me over the center of my body.

3) Slow it down, but increase the cadence. Instead of loping along on the treadmill, Erika had me speed up my rate of footstrike to about 166 per minute, but without changing my speed. This is hard work. It feels more like a running drill than a jog.

Currently I can keep up this new stride for about twenty minutes on the indoor track. I checked myself with my watch, and I can stay pretty close to the 166 strikes per minute pacing. I have to report that this feels awkward, and everything is starting to hurt a little as I find new and unused muscles to abuse. But I'm running and I'm building stability. I'm fascinated to see if I can really do this. I'll give it a try for the next month, and keep tabs on how it goes!

I'm not ready to give up my identity as a runner just yet!